The Hitchhiker’s
Guide to Wedding Reception Music
As much attention as is given to weddings, most people (and
by people, I probably mean men) can agree that the more vital, differentiated
part of the wedding process is the wedding reception. I’ve been to weddings ranging from devoutly
religious to ardently secular to full-blown military galas, and with a few
small little exceptions, they’re all pretty much the same thing. There are, however, substantive differences
between a good and a bad wedding reception.
While I’ve been to several weddings, I have been to MANY
more wedding receptions. A year plus of
working at a banquet hall in high school does that sort of thing. And most of the things are fairly beyond the
control of whomever is organizing the reception—the décor of the reception
hall, the quality of the food served, et al can only be controlled as far as
making choices of where to go. You make
a choice, you reserve a location, and then you hope for the best of luck. But with the quality of songs played, it is
more in the control of the customer.
Every DJ I’ve ever met, and I’ve likely met more than you, would rather
get a ton of requests of songs they don’t even particularly like rather than
playing a bunch of obscure songs that won’t make people happy.
Now, not every wedding party is the same. Some weddings come from very traditional
families and they’d rather have a jazz trio play Glenn Miller style tunes than
danceable songs. But for a majority, and
this has applied across the board, dance music is the way to make people
excited. It presents the bride and groom
a wondrous opportunity to see their family and friends act like complete
buffoons. But the joy really depends on
what songs are being played. Some songs
are exceedingly conducive to bringing down the house—some aren’t. As an expert in the field, I have decided to
analyze forty-two (given the title of this, I need not explain why I decided on
forty-two) popular reception songs and the pros and cons associated with them.
Party Rock Anthem—LMFAO: On the
plus side, it’s a really popular song that’s catchier and has the kind of fun,
mindless vibe that one would aspire to hear under the circumstances. However, as a dance song, it’s kind of questionable. Not a bad choice for young people but it’s
kind of hard to imagine grandma hitting the dance floor and shuffling.
I Gotta Feeling—Black Eyed Peas:
Lyrically, it’s obviously kind of what you’re going for. It’s happy and optimistic. The part where you yell “Mazel tov”, for the
record, is prohibited as Jewish weddings because, just, on principle. The biggest con is that musically, it’s kind
of a depressing song. Not that it’s a
bad song (even though it absolutely is)—just that the song is really only
useful for middle aged women to work out to.
Granted that’s kind of what a wedding reception generally is, but still,
I wouldn’t advise it.
Don’t Stop Believin—Journey: I
maintain that people who claim to like Journey are just trolling me. Like, I’ll get worn down and be like
“Okay! Okay! Wheel in the Sky is a good song!” and then
everyone I know will humiliate me by admitting that they knew all along that
Journey blows and that they wanted to get me to subscribe to their group think. The sole reason this works from a wedding
perspective is as a sing-along, in which case there are much more danceable
(not to mention good) songs to which everyone knows all the lyrics.
You Shook Me All Night Long—AC/DC:
This one is a necessary staple of the American wedding reception. It’s semi-dirty, but not the total filth-fest
of Pour Some Sugar On Me. It’s a song
that every teenager in America knows, yet it’s also 32 years old and thus if
you’re under sixty, you are well aware of this song. There’s no real “dance” to it, but it gets
people to the floor. The one con is that
people often looked bewildered and confused when the guitar solo hits—but
anyone who doesn’t respond by doing an Angus Young-style duck walk is out of
their mind anyway.
Just Dance—Lady Gaga: Lady Gaga is
one of those artists where I “kind of” get it.
I’ve never voluntarily listened to a Gaga song, but people like her
music and dancing to it. It’s pop fluff
but it’s a wedding—are you supposed to play Velvet Underground or
something? While your ability to get
people over the age of 30 to dance (unless they’re trying to just look cool for
the young’ns), it’s a worthy addition to the playlist.
Livin On a Prayer—Bon Jovi: Basically,
this song is the same as Don’t Stop Believin.
It’s a slightly better song with slightly worse singability. I’d still pass.
Sweet Caroline—Neil Diamond: Is
this a good song? It really depends who
you ask. I’d say no. Is it a danceable song? No.
These first two criteria probably imply this is an absolute no, but it
depends to an extent on who the clientele are.
The ONLY reason that this is an acceptable wedding song, unless the
bride is named Caroline, is the chorus.
“Sweet Caroline…BUM BUM BUM,” the drunken crowd may yell. This song’s viability as a wedding song is
entirely contingent upon the openness of the bar/the rowdiness of the patrons.
Cupid Shuffle—Cupid: Is this a
GOOD song? Not especially. It is, however, one of the easiest dance
songs in the history of the universe. It’s
up there with Electric Slide though it’s a better song. It belongs on a reception playlist.
Pour Some Sugar On Me—Def Leppard:
Aforementioned as a nice, dumb 80s rock song along the lines of AC/DC, this
song is equally a wedding staple. It’s a
worse song and although it gets played a lot, it doesn’t especially bring people
to the floor. Some people, in fact, get
really annoyed by it. I’m not too fond
of this one for weddings, personally.
Love Shack—B52s: Quite simply,
this is one of the most fun songs in history.
People gravitate towards the dance floor and belt songs out. I don’t care if all the dancing is awkward,
generic whitepeople meddling—it’s a top wedding song for sure.
Cha Cha Slide—DJ Casper: To me,
you only need one group dance song per reception. If you have to choose between this or Cupid
Shuffle, I’d opt Cupid Shuffle. Cha Cha
Slide jumped the shark when Busch Stadium would play the “Everybody clap your
hands” part before every tense moment of the World Series, anyway.
Dancing Queen—ABBA: Though
ostensibly a dance song, this song never really is all that efficient in
getting people to dance. It doesn’t
especially have rhythm—it’s just another example of standard pop fare that the
band became known for.
Hey Ya—Outkast: Quite simply, this
is a really, really depressing song.
Have you ever bothered to listen to the lyrics? It’s not a love song. With that said, because the “Shake it like a
Polaroid picture” bit makes people move awkwardly, it sort of works. Sort of.
Yeah—Usher: Its stock as a
reception song has declined in the years since I stopped working receptions,
but it remains a modern staple. And
while people over a certain age can’t really sing the full complement of lyrics
efficiently, they can at least sing the title.
And that’s a plus.
Brown Eyed Girl—Van Morrison:
People like this song plenty (though I can’t say I get it), but its dance
potential is mediocre. To me, if you’re
going to opt for a Van Morrison song, you should go Moondance. It’s a better, jazzier song that at works as
a slow dance.
We Are Family—Sister Sledge: On
the plus side, this is a song everybody knows.
It also tends to do well at getting people to come out and kind of
dance. However, it’s also a gigantic
cliché. It’s not the most original
choice but I guess it kind of works.
Baby Got Back—Sir Mix a Lot: If
you’re 40 or younger, you probably know pretty close to every word of this
song. If you don’t know the song, it
would probably just kind of confuse the hell out of you, but you’re probably
pretty confused by this point anyway.
It’s a great song if you wouldn’t be embarrassed for your grandmother to
hear this song.
Single Ladies—Beyonce:
Regrettably, this song completely blows.
It’s an unfortunate fact which goes underreported, that Beyonce is not
good and that her music is generic pop-R&B crap. But its video basically forever cemented that
the song has a dance that everybody knows.
It’s also a day entirely about, well, putting a ring on it. So unless you just absolutely loathe this song,
it’s a go.
Friends in Low Places—Garth
Brooks: This song really depends on who is getting married. If this marriage is 1. Between cousins; 2. In
a state which banned slavery in the 20th century; or 3. Involving a
man with a mustache; then play it. If
not, it’s probably going to annoy the hell out of enough people that it’s not going
to do too much for you.
Shout—The Isley Brothers:
Everybody, regardless of age, dances to this song. It’s really easy and even if you somehow
didn’t know how to dance to it, it would take you a verse and a chorus and
you’d know for life. An absolute must.
Old Time Rock and Roll—Bob Seger:
My animosity towards Bob Seger has been well documented, but to me, this is a
low point of Bob Seger’s sellout phase.
This song is played at so many weddings that nobody will really question
you if you do. But why bother?
Tik Tok—Kesha: As with many, the
appeal of this song depends on the clientele you’re hoping to cater to. This one may have the youngest target
audience ever—25 or younger, perhaps.
The thing is, younger people will be more receptive to dancing to old
songs than vice versa, so this may be worth leaving at the cutting floor.
Celebration—Kool and the Gang: Am
I the only person who get bummed out by this song? This song has never made me want to
celebrate. And in spite of its era and
what you might assume, it doesn’t especially work as a dance song. I’d pass.
I may be alone.
Brick House—Commodores: This,
along with Play That Funky Music, is the gold standard of pseudo-funk that
people really tend to love in wedding receptions. People will dance and people will be
merry. You really can’t ask anything
more than this.
Let’s Get It Started—Black Eyed
Peas: Unlike the horrible I Gotta Feeling, this one gets people moving. It’s really more of a jump up and down kind
of moving, but that’s something. It’s
motion.
Forget You—Cee Lo: Fuck
censorship. I don’t fucking give a shit
if the fucking corporate assholes who made Cee Lo record this piece of shit
re-record thought they knew what they were fucking doing. Either you play the uncensored version and offend
grandma or you play censored and sell your soul.
YMCA—Village People: Dance people
know, check. Catchy song, check. I mean, duh.
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy—Big
and Rich: Yes, it’s a redneck song, but this one amuses me and seems to amuse
many other people of questionable literacy.
The song makes people sway to some such degree, and drunk women seem to
enjoy yelling the song’s title. Which is
fun.
Come On Eileen—Dexys Midnight
Runners: Girl name songs are always a tenuous area. I mean, what if the guy dated a girl named
Eileen? But if not, one thing I like
about this song as a reception song is that, for a semi-danceable song, it’s
different. It’s folky and not funky. Diversity is good here.
Stayin Alive—Bee Gees: Few songs
are more synonymous with dancing. Since
nobody listens to the lyrics of this pretty goddamned depressing song (off the
soundtrack of a secretly depressing movie), it’s gold.
Cotton Eye Joe—Rednex: Admittedly,
I don’t get it. But in terms of songs
that get masses and masses of people to dance around like imbeciles, this song is
the gold standard. Receptions are all
about getting people to act en masse.
This song is a fantastic way.
Jump Around—House Of Pain: This
may be the easiest dancing song ever.
You literally just jump a lot. It’s
not tricky. Once people have had a few
too many, you need the most basic possible dance maneuvers. This is the song for that.
Bust a Move—Young MC: There are
few things that white people like to do more than feel like they’re cool by
singing black songs. I can’t say with a
straight face I’ve ever seen this danced well.
But danced? Oh my yes.
Electric Slide—Marcia Griffiths:
We’ve had enough slides. Uncle!
Hot in Herre—Nelly: This song ONLY
works in St. Louis, because only in St. Louis will old people embrace this
song. It sort of depends on the
religiousness of your party but this is a good one to get people riled up.
Evacuate the Dance Floor—Cascada:
White people LOVE this shit, man. It’s
the kind of song that people bump and grind to ironically. As in you can do it with relatives nearby and
it’s not really that weird.
Macarena—Los Del Rio: It’s easy if
you’re, like, slightly younger than I am to remember this, but this may have
been the single biggest song of my lifetime.
Like, this shit was EVERYWHERE.
And it was such a simply dance that everyone remembers it. Stupid?
Yes. But memorable.
White Wedding—Billy Idol: Okay, it’s
not a dance song. And it’s not exactly a
glowing standpoint towards weddings.
No. Never. Under no circumstances is this a good idea.
Get Low—Lil Jon: It really does
depend on the liberalism of your relatives.
Would I feel comfortable yelling “From the window, to the walls, to the
sweat running down my balls” around my family?
Um, kind of. Not
uncomfortable. But some people wouldn’t
feel so assured there. Approach this
song with caution, but for some people, it really excites them.
Mony Mony—Billy Idol: THIS is a
preferred Billy Idol song. It’s sort of
a dance song and it allows drunken morons to yell the made up lyrics during it.
It’s Tricky—Run DMC: This has been
dangerously underutilized at wedding receptions. Not never used, but not used enough. It’s one of those rockish old school rap
songs that people love to sing along to.
And you can swing about a little bit.
Thumbs up.
Paper Planes—MIA: This song only
has one reason to ever be played: So jagoffs like myself can mock shooting guns
in the air during the chorus. This is a
warning to the world. People like me will
do this stupid move. You must brace for
that sort of thing.
