10 Movies I Probably Should Have Seen By Now

Inspired by the Post-Dispatch's Life Sherpa, a personal role model in that he gets paid to write worthless BS for columns, here is my list of ten movies I probably should have seen by now.

10. Twelve Monkeys: Time travel movies are kind of hit or miss, and in my estimation, the odds of it hitting are greatly reduced when the star is Bruce Willis.  I also don't know that I trust the Monty Python guy to direct it.

9. Once Upon a Time in the West: A western that's three hours long and doesn't include Clint Eastwood?  Seems like a waste of my precious time, which could instead be used to write pointless blog entries which will likely not be read by anyone.

8. Aliens: The first one was okay, what with being a somewhat new idea and being helmed by a genuinely inventive director in Ridley Scott.  A sequel which is said to be more action-packed which is directed by James Cameron, whose quality of work tends to correlate in reverse with budget size, does not have much appeal for me.

7. Bonnie and Clyde: I'm fond of a good old fashioned crime drama, but old fashioned should not be taken so literally.  They say that The Godfather reinvented the genre five years later, and as a result I have a hard time watching a crime drama from before 1972 (even 1971's French Connection seems very dated) without imagining a bunch of poor acting James Cagney and Edward G. Robinson clones.  I also don't recall ever watching a Warren Beatty movie and thinking "You know what, this movie deserves the acclaim it received."

6. Monty Python and the Holy Grail: I must confess I've never quite enjoyed the Pythons, though I refuse to say I don't "get" them because then there will be a chorus (if anyone indeed reads this) of people saying I'm an idiot because I don't get the subtlety of a style of humor which revolves primarily around name-dropping specific British counties and dressing in drag.  Maybe if it's on TV sometime.

5. The Empire Strikes Back: Saw the first Star Wars; can't say I was a huge fan, though I can appreciate it for its innovation.  And given that its whole appeal was originality for me, it seems like a gigantic waste of time to watch what is, by definition, a rehashing of a previously original idea (Note: Even good sequels are indisputably owing a huge debt to the original).

4. Lord of the Rings Return of the King: Basically, it would require me to watch like six hours of movie just to understand what the hell is going on.  And I've never been too big on fantasy elements in my movies.

3. 2001 A Space Odyssey: Kubrick doesn't really exceed good for me (I enjoy Dr. Strangelove and Full Metal Jacket but I can't say that I consider either an all-time great film), but the main thing that scares me about 2001 is that I have absolutely no idea what it's about.  I know it takes place in 2001 and there's astronauts and a computer named HAL, but I have no clue as to the plot.  Because all anyone talks about is how innovative it is, not how good it is.  Kind of like Citizen Kane or the Velvet Underground.

2. Lawrence of Arabia: Now, I've never seen this one, but I have seen other David Lean movies.  They were pretty damn boring, which makes me really afraid to watch a movie whose backdrop is a vast, sandy area.

1. Gone With The Wind: A nearly four hour Civil War epic which is not primarily about soldiers but the spoiled aristocrats of the South, a movie which treats the antebellum period as glorious and wonderful (even if you were, you know, property), one whose major innovations in 1939 were being in color and having a swear word (not exactly territory that I haven't seen covered)?  No thank you.