10. LeSean McCoy, All He Does Is Win--Forget Tim Tebow, whose in the two seasons which occurred at least partially in 2012 will combine for a total of one playoff win. The true clutch gene of 2012 goes to LeSean McCoy, who in spite of what so-called "experts" have called a disappointing season, he was the first round pick of the champions of two of my three fantasy football leagues. HE SHATTERED THE MOLD!
9. Revenge of the Halak--For the first couple of months of 2012, all I heard about in St. Louis among my (predominantly white) friends was how Brian Elliott was so much better than Jaroslav Halak in spite of the fact that Halak had several seasons of solid goaltending play on his resume and Brian Elliott had basically been the hockey equivalent to Akili Smith up until a hot stretch during the season. So then came hoards of clamoring for Halak, arguably the team's best player, to be benched in favor of a guy who was basically given away to the St. Louis Blues. Halak continued to be critiqued in spite of his general excellence until the Blues faced off against the Los Angeles Kings in the Western Conference (I think it's called Western, right? It's not like Wales or whatever the fuck it used to be back when people somehow cared less about hockey) Semis and Brian Elliott showed worse at goaltending than if a manican had been placed in goal. I hated to see the Blues get swept because while I'm largely apathetic about hockey, I do still root for the Blues. I did, however, love to see blatantly racist hockey fans (GASP!) get their comeuppance.
8. Golden Tate things--Theoretically, this is a negative story since it meant the wrong team won a game. But the reason the Golden Tate TD fiasco with the replacement refs between the Seahawks and Packers was fucking awesome is because of the passions it brought out. I was on Twitter that night as well as Election Night and the former was angrier. T.J. Lang wrote a series of vulgar tweets about how his team got screwed. Aaron Fucking Rodgers got into it as well. And neither got fined! It was a strange loophole in the general rules of professionalism.
7. Lionel Messi is the best athlete in the world--The best athlete in the world, which I define as the person who is mostly clearly the best in the world at their sport, plays the world's most popular sport. Lionel Messi is the best soccer player I've ever seen--he's better than Ronaldo (either of the Brazilian or Cristiano variant), better than Ronaldinho, better than Zidane. In fact, let me take it a step further--if Messi wins a World Cup with Argentina in 2014, he's better than Pele. Yes, better than Pele. Pele's argument for best ever is World Cups and Messi already kicks the ever-loving shit out of Pele in terms of professional success (seriously, Pele went to the U.S. and it wasn't even a considerable drop-off in terms of opponent quality from his club career). And this was his best year. He scores goals with unfuckingbelievable regularity. It's like if Sammy Sosa had an entire season in which he was playing like he did in June 1998. And Messi's doing it.
6. Raul Ibanez?--The question mark is how I best explain this. Ibanez was such a huge WHATTHEFUCKISGOINGON that I found myself rooting for the Yankees (provided he was playing). 9/11 didn't make me root for the Yankees, but this guy did. When his unbelievable coda, a pinch-hit home run to tie Game 1 of the ALCS in the 9th inning, occurred, I was in a casino, standing around tables, and my eye bulged and I just looked around, seeing a few other guys amazed that HE DID IT AGAIN. Worth repeating--I live in St. Louis. Nothing Raul Ibanez did made a damn bit of sense and that's why it was great.
5. Last Day of the EPL Season--I was rooting for Manchester United but I couldn't help but love what I saw. It was basically the equivalent of Game 6 of the 2011 World Series but for the rest of the world. Flipping between United and Manchester City, seeing City somehow equalize and take the lead in extra time, which was capped by Liam Gallagher pouring champagne on people in a private box because Liam Gallagher. It's also why international soccer leagues get it right--rather than trying to expand playoffs or anything silly like that, all the drama comes out on Game 38 of the season.
4. Texas A&M beating Alabama--Let me be perfectly clear here, I fucking hate Alabama. I always have. But then when they hired Nick Saban, who is quite frankly fucking evil, I began to hate them to new and previously unthought of levels. Mike Dubose blamed losses on God, Mike Price had an affinity for unattractive strippers, Dennis Franchione bolted for more money, and yet Nick Saban's eternal dickishness will always be the most unforgivable facet of Alabama football to me. So to see the anointed assholes who some very dumb people claimed could give an NFL team a run for its money get run all over by a FRESHMAN quarterback who for all intents and purposes won the Heisman in one night (I honestly don't think he even gets an NYC invite if that game never happens) was just majestic. The highlight of a crazy college football season. This event is somewhat diminished by Alabama, for a second straight year, having to pay absolutely no consequences whatsoever for a home November loss, but the memories of that evening remain.
3. The New York Giants defeat Evil--There's never a reason to root for the Patriots. Most teams I root against in sports I respect. I respect the fact that Lebron James took less money to play for a contender, even if he left in a dickish way. I respect Duke basketball playing the right way and actually giving a damn about academics. I don't respect the Patriots--I think they're a group of egomaniacal, cheating bastards who essentially got away with being the crooks they are because a group of idiots claim that winning the Super Bowl in 2002 somehow was a triumph after 9/11 (just as I'm sure the thousands of people displaced by Hurricane Katrina totally had that offset by the Saints making the 2006 NFC Championship game). But anyway, while this triumph of not-evil over evil wasn't as satisfying was the team that stopped the perfect season, it was still pretty damn great.
2. Game 5 of the 2012 NLDS--Much like Albert Pujols triumphing over Brad Lidge in the 2005 NLCS, this game will certainly be obscured over time because it didn't lead to a World Series win, and also perhaps because it was less exciting than Game 6 of the 2011 World Series, but the fact that it happened AGAIN almost made it better. The batshit craziness of the Cardinals making a "Just. Won't. Go. Away." comeback AGAIN makes for a lame script but an awesome reality.
1. The 2012 Olympics--I don't give a shit about the Olympics, by and large. USA basketball winning was nice but I don't consider gymnastics a sport (for the same reason I don't consider acting a sport--it's skillful and often requires great physicality, but in the end, it's a judge deciding the winner) and the swimming was a letdown from 2008. Usain Bolt is still fast and all that. The reason the 2012 Olympics was the best sports story of the year is because it led to this: http://metro.co.uk/2012/08/13/spice-girls-and-liam-gallagher-put-15-year-rift-behind-them-at-olympics-closing-ceremony-534926/
And that is why the 2012 Olympics are the best story of 1996. Happy New Year, everybody!
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