One of my favorite parts of the Stanley Cup Playoffs is the handoff of the Stanley Cup. It is an uncertain event, unlike the Cup being lifted (the Vegas Golden Knights do not have a captain, so there is some level of uncertainty there). And it is a high-floor event. Most years, we don't get Joe Sakic giving Ray Bourque his first Stanley Cup lift, nor Steve Yzerman handing it off to his paralyzed ex-teammate Vladimir Konstantinov, nor Scott Niedermayer handing off the Cup to his brother. But we get some captain handing the Cup off to some veteran and that's cool.
I suspect most people who are not fans of the St. Louis Blues don't even remember last year's hand-off, from Alex Pietrangelo to his longtime (former) defensive partner, title-less veteran Jay Bouwmeester. But it was cool. It was ordinary, but like I said, their standards of "ordinary" is very high.
Because of COVID-19, we probably aren't going to get a Stanley Cup handoff. We might not even get a Stanley Cup lift, which also stinks. But for now, I focus on the handoffs, even if they only exist in my dreams. Below is a ranking of the sixteen handoffs, based on my guess of what the handoff would be, as evaluated on the following criteria:
- Poignancy. We don't have any sibling handoffs this year, and there isn't an old guy without a Cup quite to the level of Ray Bourque, but some guys are more deserving than others.
- Hilarity. I love watching Vladimir Konstantinov, a man who had spent most of the prior year fighting for his life, wheeling the Stanley Cup around the ice. I also think it'd be really funny if someone dropped and broke the Stanley Cup. I am a complicated man.
- My own whims. It's my list and if you care how I rank things, that's your problem.
16. Chicago Blackhawks: Jonathan Toews hands off to Ryan Carpenter: The hilarity, if you can ignore the whole racist logo and "their best player is a violent criminal" thing, is a last-place team winning a Stanley Cup in a bogus playoff format partially designed to make sure they got to participate. The Blackhawks are a capped-out team because they invested heavily in re-signing the veterans who helped them win three Stanley Cups, and their roster reflects that to such an extent that Ryan Carpenter, a 29 year-old who has a career-high of 18 points in a season, is their most seasoned veteran without having won a title. Maybe they'll just give the Cup to Patrick Kane again. I hate this stupid team.
15. Arizona Coyotes: Oliver Ekman-Larsson hands off to Carl Soderberg: There is a Taylor Hall case, as he is certainly the biggest name on the roster to have not won a Stanley Cup (i.e. the most famous player that isn't Phil Kessel), but considering Hall just joined the Coyotes this season and may be gone once this playoff run is over, the safer pick is probably Carl Soderberg, a 34 year-old title-less two-way center who at least has spent the entire season on the Coyotes. He might be gone soon, too, but he fits the gritty veteran ethos a little more neatly.
14. New York Islanders: Anders Lee hands off to Derick Brassard: The Islanders actually have a bunch of veterans, but most of them aren't very interesting candidates. Brassard is the best and most presently useful of the lot that haven't won Stanley Cups, and a 33 (when the Cup is won) year-old who had a decent career is good enough for me.
13. Colorado Avalanche: Gabriel Landeskog hands off to Erik Johnson: Colorado doesn't have very many veterans, and the 32 year-old Erik Johnson is the team's second-oldest player. He isn't a star player, but Johnson has been on the Avalanche for over a decade and forged an adequate career as a second-pairing defenseman after his time as a #1 overall pick. If it weren't for 2019, the thought of Erik Johnson lifting the Stanley Cup for a team owned by For Legal Purposes Not Stan Kroenke would destroy my soul. Now, it only mildly irritates me.
12. Carolina Hurricanes: Jordan Staal hands off to Justin Williams: The big knock against Justin Williams is he's won the Stanley Cup. Three times. And he won a Conn Smythe. But he is the unquestioned veteran leader of this extremely young team, and none of the top players on the team, titleless as they may be, cannot wait their turns. Of their five leading scorers that haven't won Stanley Cups, the oldest was born in June of 1993 (and is presently hurt).
11. St. Louis Blues: Alex Pietrangelo hands off to Justin Faulk: The lack of options is inherently funny. The vast majority of the St. Louis Blues roster won the Stanley Cup last season, so the closest thing to a veteran star without a Cup is a 28 year-old guy who arrived less than a year ago. But Faulk is a former Olympian, so he's not a total non-entity in terms of NHL accomplishment. Marco Scandella, who is 30, would be funnier, but I just don't think he'd be the pick. Faulk's appeal here is entirely based on the humor of the situation, but he's slightly too good to be hilarious. Now, in a world where the Joel Edmundson trade never happens and the Cup is instead handed off to Scandella, who played with the Blues for less than a month before the postseason? That's fighting for #1.
10. Tampa Bay Lightning: Steven Stamkos hands off to Braydon Coburn: They might (correctly) go with Victor Hedman instead, but my money is on Braydon Coburn, the 35 year-old stay-at-home defenseman who has spent half a decade in Tampa and is "debuted with the Atlanta Thrashers" years old. I can't imagine Braydon Coburn wouldn't retire after this game if he wins the Stanley Cup. People love athletes going out on top.
9. Boston Bruins: Zdeno Chara hands off to Tuukka Rask: Technically, Rask already has a Cup win, but as a backup to current bunker resident Tim Thomas. This would be a lovely moment for Tuukka Rask, an unfairly maligned star who deserves more credit. We almost saw who the Bruins would've picked last year. Just a reminder that we didn't.
8. Vegas Golden Knights: Deryk Engelland hands off to Paul Stastny: The two oldest Cup-less Golden Knights are actually former Blues--Stastny and Ryan Reaves. Stastny is older and more accomplished, so while Reaves will come early in the process, Paul becoming the first Stastny to hoist the Stanley Cup would be more likely (I don't think it's impossible, if Marc-Andre Fleury reclaims the starting spot, if the veteran goalie got it first, but since he's already won, I think he'd defer). Because of Peter Stastny, a Hall of Famer who never won a title, there's some bonus points here, but the real highlight is Deryk Engelland, by far the least accomplished of the remaining captains and de facto captains, going full circle--he was a Las Vegas resident before the Golden Knights existed, having met his wife while playing in the ECHL in Las Vegas, and he gave a speech about the city's recovery from the Route 91 shooting prior to the team's first game. Stastny is worthy of a prime handoff, but it would be overlooked.
7. Philadelphia Flyers: Claude Giroux hands off to Jakub Voracek: The Flyers have two star Cup-less forwards in their thirties as options here, but Jakub Voracek gets the slight edge over James Van Riemsdyk based on a longer continuous run in Philadelphia (it doesn't hurt that he is also a better player). Brian Elliott could make a run if he were the starter, but if he were the starter, the Flyers wouldn't be winning the Stanley Cup, now would they?
6. Columbus Blue Jackets: Nick Foligno hands off to Cam Atkinson: It's hard to say "no" to a lifelong Blue Jacket who is the team's second-oldest non-captain (the oldest, Nathan Gerbe, is far less accomplished and less tenured as a member of the team). I can't pretend I'm hyper-enthusiastic about Cam Atkinson--a good but not elite player who is barely 31--but I'm fairly confident this would be the hand-off guy, so I want to boost it for that. I also wouldn't be opposed to just bringing Rick Nash out for it anyway.
5. Calgary Flames: Mark Giordano hands off to Mikael Backlund: At 31, Backlund is an older hockey player but not an Old Hockey Player, but he is a grizzled veteran of the Calgary Flames. There would be a certain poignancy to a couple guys who have been teammates through mostly thin times over eleven years in Calgary passing off the trophy to one another. The only older non-Giordano players are a late bloomer whose NHL grind is much briefer (Derek Ryan), a goalie who just arrived for this season (Cam Talbot), and a guy who already won a Cup (Milan Lucic).
4. Montreal Canadiens: Shea Weber hands off to Carey Price: This is a goalie I'm positive about. It doesn't hurt that any circumstance under which the Canadiens win the Cup almost certainly is the result of Carey Price standing on his head for a couple months. Carey Price is far and away the greatest Canadien since their last title, and if he didn't play for the greatest goaltending franchise in NHL history, he'd be viewed as among any other franchise's all-time greats. Also, he won a Gold Medal for Canada, which I'm pretty sure he means he, thanks to obscure bylaws, legally owns the Stanley Cup already anyway.
3. Vancouver Canucks: Bo Horvat hands off to Alexander Edler: I assume most casual Canucks fans think Edler is the captain anyway. The 34 year-old Swede is a career-long Canuck and an obvious link to the near-championship Sedin Twins era of the franchise. Edler was and is a decent defenseman for a franchise with a hilarious lack of good ones, so while Alex Edler lifting the Stanley Cup may not seem like much of a story, he might be the greatest one in the history of the team. And that counts for something.
2. Washington Capitals: Alex Ovechkin hands off to Ilya Kovalchuk: You wouldn't think a team that won the Stanley Cup two years ago would have much in the way of veteran options of the Cup handoff, but Ilya Kovalchuk, a 37 year-old Hall of Fame candidate, fits the bill. He is completely washed and only played in seven games for the Capitals, which is why he isn't in first on this list, but kudos to the Caps for managing this strong of a candidate given their recent history.
1. Dallas Stars: Jamie Benn hands off to Joe Pavelski: There are two Hall of Very Good level veterans that the Dallas Stars brought in this year. Luckily, Pavelski is easily the pick over Corey Perry because Pavelski is slightly older, hasn't won a Cup, and isn't a giant asshole. Ben Bishop would be a fine pick, even if goalies tend to get short-shrift on the handoff, and the younger but more integral Tyler Seguin would have an outside shot if he hadn't won a Stanley Cup with Boston in 2011, but Pavelski simplifies matters and is the gritty veteran worthy of your hopes and dreams this year.
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