Unlike my previous, similar list where I wrote about why Saving Silverman is better than Citizen Kane, I am making the prohibitive statement that Nickelback is better than Journey. Nickelback, though generally considered to be a pile of utter dogshit musically, cannot yet hold a candle to the awfulness that has ruined mainstream pop-rock radio for the last thirty some-odd years. These are the reasons Nickelback is better than Journey, in no particular order.
1. Nickelback songs are about real emotion, no matter how fucking retarded: Rock Star is about wanting to be a rock star. Never Again is about how you will never again abuse a woman. How You Remind Me is about how you remind me of the first single from my previous album. Regardless, these songs have a point. I'm not saying the point is good or that the songs are good, because they aren't, but there's a reason behind the lyrics. In the same way that some kid writing angst-riddled poetry in his journal in high school about how much he hates all the popular kids and how they're all phonies and all those cliches has written SOMETHING and the artsier equivalent who just draws a bunch of irregular squares to symbolize their anger has, in effect, drawn nothing. The motive of Rock Star is clear. What's the motive of Don't Stop Believin'? How you shouldn't stop believing? That would be fair enough, but what the fuck does the small town girl and city boy have to do with any of this? The answer--nothing. The point is to make Steve Perry sound like some kind of deep and beautiful soul rather than a talentless twat. But more on that later...now.
2. Chad Kroeger is a Better Singer than Steve Perry: Chad Kroeger's vocals are bad, but this doesn't really matter. Jimi Hendrix's vocals were technically speaking bad. Johnny Rotten's vocals are bad. But they work. Not that Chad's work is in any real way great, but the point is that the lack of technical ability isn't in and of itself a deal breaker. Steve Perry, though better on the technical scale, lacks talent on the "Do you like to hear this man sing?" scale. He goes on high pitched runs during whiny power ballads, but do you want to hear this? His voice gets really high on Open Arms without cracking. Cool. The song still sucks. Figured You Out, while a sexist and deplorable song, has exactly the kind of straightforward, dumbass vocal delivery the song requires. There is no deeper meaning. The point is what it is--that Nickelback will sexually assault you. Again, not a good point. But it's a point.
3. Nickelback has a Preferable Volume: I don't generally want to listen to Nickelback, but if you make me choose between listening to them at full blast or as quiet ambient sounds, I'm opting to turn it up to eleven. Because Nickelback music, at least the non-ballad majority of their songs (think Burn It To the Ground), is invented to be played loud. This doesn't show a lack of musical creativity, really, any more than AC/DC being invented to be played loud in dirty pickups. Now, AC/DC is better because their one generic sound is better than Nickelback's, but the point is that Nickelback has enough depth that altering something as simple as volume can possibly enhance your listening to pleasure. Now, if you say "I'm going to play Any Way You Want It, how loud do you want it?", my answer is going to be "As fucking quiet as possible." This matters. Music that you want to hear inaudibly is probably a good sign the music isn't good.
4. Nickelback fans are more realistic: I know a decent number of people who like both Nickelback and Journey. I have never heard somebody say Nickelback was the best band in the world, much less call them an all-time great band. They are what they are--a popular band who makes really easy to handle rock music. Journey fans, on the other hand, have been convinced that their bullshit music is good. People actually complain that Journey isn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I would give you a baseball parallel to Journey, but you'd have never heard of the mediocre bastard. Consider that when they were making Don't Stop Believin, Talking Heads and The Police were redefining rock while staying popular. Journey went nowhere. What band since Journey was inspired by Journey?
5. Nickelback has Better Music Videos: Nickelback videos have clocks counting down peoples' lives. There's nothing even remotely great about this. But here is their opponent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LatorN4P9aA&ob=av2n
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