Thursday, October 20, 2011

Ten Famous People Everybody Irrationally Hates

It's one thing to hate Bin Laden or somebody who actually, you know, warrants derision.  But for some reason, many of us are such cynical bastards that we must hate even people who enrich the world.  And here's ten of them.

10. Buster Olney--This entry could have been tons of people, but Olney symbolizes it better than anyone else I could think of.  Basically, he's mocked by fans (most of whom played no higher level of sports than Olney) as a dweeb who doesn't know sports.  When in reality, the criticism is not only unfair but also inaccurate--Olney is not a sports analyst, by and large, but is a sports reporter.  Woodward and Bernstein couldn't hit a ball 450 feet ever and they got played in the movies by eventual Oscar winners.  See also: John Clayton.

9. Spike Lee--Critics call Spike Lee a racist hate monger, a man who uses his platform to spread a propagandist message of hatred towards white people.  But, well, this doesn't actually happen.  Did people actually see Do the Right Thing?  The most sympathetic character other than Spike's protagonist was Richard Edson's (white) friend of Spike Lee.  Basically none of the characters come off as total saints and even the ostensible villain (Danny Aiello) isn't a complete ogre--subtly racist, maybe, but it's not like he was burning crosses at black churches or something.  And given that Spike Lee's second most important movie is about an assassinate black civil rights leader, it's fairly hard not to make white oppression of African Americans are a fairly critical theme.  Those who don't hate Lee generally overrate him--Spike Lee is basically one of many good directors of his era, like the Coen Brothers more than like D.W. Griffith.  Michael Moore also fits into this category, because his reputation of propaganda is overrated and his reputation for film-making is underrated, but, well, it's kind of sort of warranted a little bit.

8. The Speaker of the House--It doesn't matter to me if we're talking about when it was Nancy Pelosi or John Boehner, they both have a reputation of being politically narrow-minded douchebags that really come from nowhere.  They're both slightly more partisan than their party at large, but neither is an extremist--they're both hard-working civil servants who got elected heads of their hundreds-strong delegations in the House of Representatives because they have earned respect.  But the thing that really doesn't make sense is how much more blame Pelosi or Boehner get than, say, the heads of the more powerful body of Congress.  Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell get free passes by comparison.

7. Joe Buck--I say the reason people dismiss Joe Buck as a condescending douchebag is that there just aren't notable announcers in the way that there was in his daddy's day.  Besides Al Michaels, where are the iconic voices?  And while Buck may occasionally come off as smug, there's also a reason he's the top choice to broadcast baseball and football for the flagship networks of the sports--he's good at it.  The next time you hate on Joe Buck, consider this--would you rather him or Thom Brenaman?  Would you rather have Joe Buck or Dick Stockton?  Joe Buck is to modern broadcasting when guys who hit nine home runs a year were to the dead ball era--it may not look that good, but you have to consider it in relative terms.

6. Jay Leno--People hate on Jay Leno either because he's not Johnny Carson or because NBC screwed over Conan O'Brien.  Both of these things are true.  But while Leno may suck at that time slot compared to Johnny Carson, why does nobody mock the wildly unfunny David Letterman?  And regarding Conan O'Brien being pushed out of the Tonight Show slot, do you think Leno had a hand in this?  If Billy Devaney, proving his infinite genius, decided to push Sam Bradford out of the Rams QB role and bring back Tony Banks, it would be a terrible move.  You'd feel bad for Bradford for being the victim of such idiocy.  But would you blame Banks?  I know I wouldn't.  How do you pass up that opportunity?

5. Mark Zuckerberg--I'm going to limit this to his day-to-day operations of Facebook rather than his Social Network persona.  People regularly trash Facebook for its constant layouts changes and its seemingly hellbent desire to condense all social media into one all-stop shop like Wal-Mart.  But, like people who hate McDonald's, the point of it all is that EVERYBODY USES IT.  Facebook is free to use and thus free to exit; Facebook has steps which invade privacy, but ONLY IF YOU VOLUNTEER THE INFORMATION.  The people who knock Facebook and decide it must be stopped seem to not realize that it's voluntary.

4. Bill Gates--Bill Gates, the evil corporate raider who build the evil corporation that allows me to write this blog today.  The world hates Bill Gates essentially because he's really, really successful.  And thus he must be corrupt.  Perhaps he was ruthless, but consider that the primary side effects are an interconnected planet and the biggest individual charity in the world.  Bill Gates gave the world exactly what it wanted and want more.

3. Tim Tebow--Tim Tebow is vilified in the media for being overrated, overhyped, and being a Jesus freak.  But he also might be the perfect human being.  Tebow is the child of missionaries, he has a deep and unsanctimonious faith (Remember when he was asked about his virginity as a presser in conference and said he was a virgin and the media jumped on the story?  Did anyone actually care?), he is an extremely hard-working player, and he seems like one of the nicest people possible in interviews.  Even Colin Cowherd, who continuously bashes on Tebow's playing, referred to him as "The nicest person I've ever met."

2. Derek Jeter--Nobody likes Derek Jeter.  Similar to Tebow, he's a hard worker who is very successful and clutch.  Unlike Tebow, he parties in New York City and dates supermodels.  Nothing wrong with that either.

1. Bono--"Oh, Bono is an arrogant douchebag.  He thinks he's God.  I hate him sooooo much!"  Here is a list of observations about Bono, most of which aren't even all that subjective.

  • Bono is the greatest rock frontman since Freddie Mercury
  • Bono is the voice behind some of the most widely loved songs in rock history
  • Bono has displayed an unprecedented range in creating Earth-shattering songs, going from edgy post-punk like "Sunday Bloody Sunday" to heartbreaking ballads like "One."
  • Bono, unlike most rock frontmen, devotes a lot of his time and money to improving the world.  Even if you don't like when he is compared to Mandela or Mother Teresa, the fact is that he is still devoting more time to charity than basically everyone else in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Besides maybe Sting, who's even close?
That dick...

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