10 Great Rock Albums (Nearly) Ruined By One Of Its Biggest Tracks


Not a list, per se.  More just an arrangement of ten albums which are acclaimed, either by critics or me, which are quite good but are weighed down immensely by one of its better known tracks, which often are a complete pile of shit.  Here's ten classics which would be better without a certain song.

The Beatles--The Beatles (The White Album): Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.  Three songs from this album made their later career double-disc anthology.  Back in the USSR and While My Guitar Gently Weeps were correctly included.  What was third?  Blackbird?  Helter Skelter?  Or Paul McCartney's retarded tribute to how la la la life goes on.  Or something.

Bruce Springsteen--Born in the USA: Dancing in the Dark.  Seeing as this particular album had 28 commercial singles (citation needed), it seems borderline unfair to call a single one of its biggest track, but, well, it was the first single and it's his biggest chart hit and it had that video with Courteney Cox that for some reason Americans are expected to give a shit about existing.  While some of the singles of this album are quite average (No Surrender), only Dancing in the Dark completely blows.  But at least The Boss got to respond to the four fans out there who really got into Darkness on the Edge of Town but didn't think it was synthy enough.

The Cars--The Cars: My Best Friend's Girl.  This is an album that can't be considered underrated since most rock fans seem aware of its existence and its songs are quite well known, but I don't think a lot of people realize just how GREAT of an album this is.  The whole thing sounds like a greatest hits album, though this is unquestionably the worst of the hits.  I'm not entirely sure if it's the poor attempt to sound like Queen on vocal harmonies, the completely and totally forgettable instrumentation, or the stupid fucking Dane Cook movie, but this song just does not do it for me.

The Doors--The Doors: The End.  The Doors are so goddamned late-sixties.  About 60% of their songs are good and about 40% are pretentious bullshit.  Most of their debut is good.  Then comes the nearly twelve minute opus which existed (according to my theories) so that Marlon Brando had a song to die to.  I suspected and feared that once I hit college I'd start liking this song.  Luckily I was spared.

Led Zeppelin--Led Zeppelin IV: Stairway to Heaven.  LZ4, in my opinion, is in the tier of albums slightly below their first two and Houses of the Holy.  And it's because those songs didn't have a pile of shit like Stairway to Heaven to bog it down.  Oh, you say it's a popular song?  Is it popular because it's good or is it popular because douchebag high schoolers who are getting into guitar think learning how to play Stairway will make them deep?  Please, for the love of God, if you want an epic Zeppelin IV track, there's a reason He gave you When The Levee Breaks.

Lynyrd Skynyrd--Second Helping: Sweet Home Alabama.  No, seriously, this album is a quite eclectic mix of blues (The Ballad of Curtis Loew), hard rock (The Needle and the Spoon), and whatever else you want in between.  This patronizing ode to the sweet home of Not Lynyrd Skynyrd (from Jacksonville) became the defining track of the album though.  Ugh.

Nirvana--Nevermind: In Bloom.  Every other song on this album has something the others don't.  Teen Spirit has the fun Pixies vibe, Come As You Are has the seems-like-they're-intellectual-if-you-don't-actually-listen lyrics, Lithium has the guitar sound.  In Bloom has all of these things but worse than the other song.  In Bloom brings nothing to the table.  Cool video, though.

Oasis--What's the Story Morning Glory?: Don't Look Back in Anger.  This was the point where Noel Gallagher, being the arrogant dickhead that he is, decided, "You know how I have one of the best frontmen ever in my band/family?  Fuck him.  I'm going to, with my mediocre-at-best voice, start singing songs that Liam should clearly be singing.  And not even just doing Force of Nature or Falling Down or kind of mid-range songs that I might be better at, but songs which I clearly have no goddamned business singing.  Oh, and I'll also steal Imagine with absolutely no subtlety and when people point it out, I'll say it was an homage and get away with it."  That wanker.

Prince--Purple Rain: I Would Die 4 U: When Doves Cry--startlingly original.  Let's Go Crazy--rock powerhouse.  Purple Rain--an epic ballad.  And yet the single which followed in these footsteps was the most generic, eighties thing ever.  Mr. Nelson, you can do better than this.

Tom Petty--Full Moon Fever: Free Fallin.  Tom Petty made a questionable decision in launching a solo career (apparently most people didn't think he had been in the midst of one for the last dozen years), but the album turned out generally well.  Except this.  The reason people love Tom Petty is because he eschews boring ballads and makes songs like Refugee and The Waiting.  Not because he makes cheesy pop songs with videos that have prominent parts featuring skateboarders.