First of all, it's been way too long since I've posted anything.
But here goes...
Shirsey Search 2012
All
good Cardinals fans have a shirsey, a t-shirt which has the appearance of a
baseball jersey, in spite of 1. Being a t-shirt; 2. Being red rather than white
or gray; 3. The fact that most Cardinals fans, including yours truly, looks dangerously
unlike somebody who should participate in physical activity for a living. But the shirsey is also a tremendous way to
show support for one’s favorite players.
Now,
my first shirsey was Larry Walker. I
basically had a choice between Larry Walker or Albert Pujols, as these were the
two shirseys available. I opted for
Walker for a couple of reasons. One, he
was my favorite player on the 2005 Cardinals.
And two, everybody and their mother (this isn’t just an expression)
owned a Pujols one. The Walker shirsey
was perfect…for the four months remaining in the season before Larry Walker was
a former Cardinal.
I
refrained from purchasing shirseys for the next half decade or so largely
because there wasn’t a Cardinal who I deemed worthy of my money. New Cardinals came and went and I just
couldn’t bring myself to buy one. Then,
in 2011, when Lance Berkman came around, I knew I had my man. He was similar to Walker—both were
out-of-shape right fielders in the twilight of excellent, slightly below Hall
of Fame standards careers whom I’d liked even as they played against the
Cardinals. However, Berkman was only on
a one year deal and I didn’t want to get burned from a longevity perspective
like I had with Larry Walker. But once
he signed an extension through 2012, and especially once I could rock the Puma
shirsey through a playoff appearance, it became worth buying the Berkman. Then he kind of saved the Cardinals’ asses in
the World Series and with one swing of the bat completely justified owning his
shirsey. Even if he missed this entire
season, it would have been worth it.
But
with Puma’s recent injury woes comes the harsh reality that Lance Berkman’s
shirsey will soon be dated. Obviously, I
can’t wear the Puma if he’s playing for a different team, so he’d have to be
retired from my clothing rotation until his MLB retirement. But now the question becomes: Who is next in
line for following the brilliant legacies of Larry Walker and Lance Berkman as
the player represented by my shirsey?
Let’s look at some candidates.
Chris Carpenter
Pros:
Obviously, the guy is a behemoth. He’s
won a Cy Young, he shut out the Phillies in the closeout game of the NLDS, and
he also kind of won Game 7 of the World Series.
He’s also a fierce competitor who deserves to be regarded as a Cardinal
legend. He’s, like, borderline to have
his number retired good.
Cons:
He isn’t long for the Majors. He has,
what, two or three years left? I know he’s
big enough that it’ll be respectable forever, like having a Bob Forsch, but it’s
generally preferable to have an active MLBer.
Jaime Garcia
Pros:
Good, young lefty starter who hasn’t completely and totally littered metro St.
Louis with his shirseys. Has a contract
extension so seemingly would be long for El Birdos.
Cons:
Jaime is still frustrating as hell—sometimes he pitches brilliantly and sometimes
he gives up eleven runs in a game. I,
and I know I’m not alone, am not convinced that he’s going to be better than a
weak #2 or strong #3 in the rotation.
Same reason I wouldn’t have bought a Donovan Osborne shirsey in the
nineties.
Lance Lynn
Pros:
Lance has a fantastic beard and is an up and coming pitcher. And nobody owns a Lance Lynn shirsey right
now. My inner hipster is excited at the
prospect of being the one person at Busch rocking the Lance Lynn.
Cons:
He’s not totally proven and we have no especially good reason to believe he’s
going to be a Cardinal for a long time.
Hell, if he gets traded to the Indians at 28, what am I supposed to do
with the shirsey?
Shelby Miller
Pros:
He may not be a Major Leaguer, but he seems like a sure thing. Could easily be the staff ace for a decade. He’s the most can’t-miss Cardinals pitching
prospect since…
Cons:
Rick Ankiel. Also, he doesn’t have a
number. Also, he’s a total bro. Pass.
Jason Motte
Pros:
Unlike starters, there’s at least a decent chance of seeing him at every single
game I go to. While his
beard/personality is maybe 15% of Brian Wilson’s, that still makes him the most
dynamic member of the team. He’s also
good.
Cons:
Closers never seem long for the Cardinals.
Jason Isringhausen and Ryan Franklin were both all-stars and then got
run out of town. Plus, even good closers
I inevitably end up hating.
Marc Rzepczynski
Pros:
The guy could end up in the rotation and this goes well for the obscurity
factor. Nobody owns a Marc
Rzepczynski. I’m not convinced he owns
one.
Cons:
While he COULD end up a starter, he could also end up being a middle of the
road middle reliever for all of eternity.
Also, while I don’t mind going off the beaten path for the right
shirsey, I’d probably have to customer order this one and it would be
pay-by-character in many cases, so fuck it.
Adam Wainwright
Pros:
Obviously a good pitcher. Not the
hardest one to find.
Cons:
While I like Waino, I don’t love him in the same way that I love
Carpenter. He’s Axl Rose to Carp’s Slash—while
Slash is a hardened badass who deserves your respect, Axl never lets you
embrace him. Also, Wainwright is
pitching like shit this season, he’s thirty, and he’s not even assured to be
with the club next year.
Yadier Molina
Pros:
Long-termer, a perennial All-Star, and a definite St. Louis person to pick (as
in he’s predominantly a defensive ace).
Cons:
Yadi’s a girl shirsey. Girls love Yadi
because they think he’s cute—given that I most recently went with Lance
Berkman, who is liked by women more as a ruggedly handsome/badass type, it
should be obvious how I’d rather be perceived.
Also, my sister has a Yadi shirsey.
I can’t have the same kind as my sister.
Matt Adams
Pros:
This is absolutely a great long-term choice.
Dude’s twenty-three, if he plays well he could be around for fifteen
years, he’s an everyday player, and he, like all great Cardinals shirsey
subjects, is fat.
Cons:
He hasn’t played a Major League game (as of 5:11 p.m., May 20, 2012) so he
could end up sucking royally. Perhaps
more daunting, he was given the number 53.
Do you really think he’s going to stay with the number 53? I imagine a lot of Jon Jay fans have been
burned by this.
Matt Carpenter
Pros:
“Scrappy”, has diverse positional ability, the same fans who loved John
May-buh-ry love this fellow scrapper who does not wear batting gloves.
Cons:
He’s Matt Carpenter. I imagine the Stan
Royer shirseys never sold all that well either.
Daniel Descalso
Pros/Cons:
See Matt Carpenter.
David Freese
Pros:
The man whom I have dubbed “Freesus” (no, but seriously, that nickname is a
good one) was my second favorite Cardinal even before the playoffs. He’s a charming St. Louis native who is good,
but not so good that he’s likely to be wooed by a huge free agency deal.
Cons:
Freese is easily the biggest shirsey going, almost overnight. It’s like being a Beatles fan. “Oh, you like the Beatles? How innovative and interesting you are.” Pass.
Rafael Furcal
Pros:
The guy is straight up killing it this year and will be around at least through
2013. Also, why haven’t I seen a Furcal
shirsey? I know I live in Oakville but
really?
Cons:
I’m perfectly fine with Rafael Furcal but I don’t love him. I’m open to buying a shirsey and learning to
love him, but not if the guy’s only going to be around another year and a half.
Carlos Beltran
Pros:
This is almost too perfect of a fit.
While not a pudgy white guy, he is a thirty-something, step-below-HOF right
fielder who had a career resurgence with the Cardinals.
Cons:
Unlike Walker and Berkman, I wasn’t really a Beltran “fan” per se before he
joined the Cardinals. I mean, I didn’t
hate him, but I was more or less apathetic (except when he was on the 2004
Astros, in which case fuck him). And he’s
in the same boat as Furcal when it comes to shirsey longevity. It’s also unlikely he’ll even reach Puma’s
level of Cardinals iconicness. He’s
going to reach Will Clark’s level at best.
Allen Craig
Pros:
Craig is young enough (27), he has traits I love in a player (positional
diversity, clutch, he’s actually quite articulate and engaging), and his
shirsey is a rarity.
Cons:
Craig is not a starter. He plays a lot
but he’s not a starter. I’m not inherently
opposed to that, but it means he’s more likely to be disposable. It could be a sad little memento in a couple
years if the team doesn’t find a more consistent roster spot for him.
Matt Holliday
Pros:
Holliday is one of the big bats on the team.
He also has a long term, big contract so he’s likely to have at least a
few more years in St. Louis
Cons:
On principle, if a guy can’t catch routine fly balls and gets picked off third
base with the bases loaded in elimination World Series games, I can’t do it.
Jon Jay
Pros:
Jay is somebody I’ve defended for years and he continues to prove me
right. He’s a consistent hitter and
fielder and may have a nice little career with the Cardinals.
Cons:
Number changes. He’s #19 now but he
could well be something else in a couple months.
Regrettably, I do not have a conclusion. It is an ongoing process. All suggestions are welcome.
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