Sunday, September 11, 2011

5 Reasons Saving Silverman is Better than Citizen Kane

Before I start, two things that need to be clarified.
1. I'm not saying Saving Silverman is a good movie with any of these arguments--I'm merely saying it's better than Citizen Kane
2. I'm not concluding that Saving Silverman actually is better than Citizen Kane--these are just five arguments which I feel utterly true which present a side most people would not agree with: that a semi-popular immature comedy from 2001 is better than a movie widely considered the greatest film in history.


Here's the reasons:
5. Color--Now, I'm not saying that black and white movies are inherently worse than color movies; I will go ahead and say Raging Bull and Casablanca are better than The Hottie and the Nottie.  But color generally helps. Unless you're gonna do like a Schindler's List kind of thing where you go out of your way to make the black and white work, color is preferable.  Why?  Especially in the case of Citizen Kane, which is an attempt at a gritty film which evokes the world in which it was made, color means realism.  I'm not going to say Saving Silverman has great cinematography by any means, but it does feel like 2001 if you were a slacker moron.  It may not evoke the most exciting or glamorous part of the world, but it's still a part which exists.

4. R. Lee Ermey--Citizen Kane has the ever-expanding Orson Welles, the mom from Bewitched, and pretty much nobody else you've ever heard of.  Just by having Jack Black you could argue that Silverman has a casting edge (no, seriously, have you considered Welles's filmography beyond Citizen Kane?).  But the real key to Saving Silverman is the presence of the greatest character actor of the last twenty-five years: R. Lee Ermey.  Now, Ermey's character is always a drill sergeant type--he's most famous for playing the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and for hosting shows in a drill sergeant guise on History Channel.  Now, Ermey doesn't exactly have the most range in the world, but for the one character he plays, he's really damn good.  The guy probably deserved an Oscar nomination for Full Metal Jacket--he's the king of his field.

3. Not Being a Troll--I say this with the full knowledge that a major plot element of Saving Silverman is that two dumbasses are convincing a nun to leave the convent in order to hook up with their friend, but Citizen Kane is the bigger troll of a movie.  The reason that Kane got so much buzz before it had time to become deemed the definitive cinematic classic of all-time is because it was allegedly an expose about the life of William Randolph Hearst, known today for being the grandfather of a terrorist but known in the 1940s as a news magnate.  Yet, is there anything about Citizen Kane that's really that necessarily specific to Citizen Kane?  Even in 1941 it wasn't exactly original to have a movie about a guy who gets rich and feels unhappy.  He didn't have to be a newspaper publisher--it was done because it stirred shit.  Saving Silverman stays in its own element--the only tied-in celebrity, Neil Diamond, makes a cameo and is therefore not a trolling.

2. Relatability--Are you a multi-millionaire?  Maybe you are, in which case I'd like to point out that I could blog a lot more on this non-commercial site with donations from readers like you.  Well, I'm not (yet).  And as such, the ability to relate personally to Citizen Kane is low at best--I guess I've striven for something, gotten it, and then ultimately felt hollow, but it wasn't due to my failed mayoral campaign.  Saving Silverman, on the other hand, I can relate to.  I suspect most men and some women know the feeling of having a good friend being driven away from you by his lady friend.  And even when she evokes the homoerotic subtext of your need to be with this guy, what you're doing makes complete sense to you.  I've always thought that Saving Silverman could have a terrible sequel in which the would-be nun turns out to be a total bitch to Jason Biggs and in turn, Zahn and Black reflect about how they really don't want Jason Biggs to spend his time with a less controlling woman--they want him to spend time with them!  See that?  That was analyzing of a movie with a 15% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  It can be done if you put your freaking mind to it.

1. Lack of a Major Plot Hole--Now, the plot to Saving Silverman is simply retarded.  The point of the movie is that they kidnap a woman and hold her in a basement until she escapes and then Neil Diamond  gets involved and for some godforsaken reason Jack Black and R. Lee Ermey hook up.  The plot doesn't really make a lot of sense and it's incredibly implausible that it would happen.  But it's not impossible.  Citizen Kane, on the other hand, in spite of its guise as a realistic and gritty movie, has an unforgivable plot hole.  Kane's last word is Rosebud--we know this, but the news reporters don't.  They go throughout the movie finding out what he said and what it meant and it turns out it was his goddamned sled (this isn't the plot hole, but it's still stupid).  But anyway, how do they know?  Kane died alone.  Yet they find out.  Was there some kind of espionage?  Would it have killed Orson Welles to break down and put in the horrible cliche of a bedside last word with his nearest relatives nearby?  I guess that would ruin the point of "capitalism leads to loneliness", but at least it would make sense.

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