You may ask why I feel this way. It's pretty simple--I'm not a wealthy person and I like to eat food other than a hastily assembled ham sandwich. Fast food acts as entertainment, as well--for those of us who can't afford to eat out at a nice restaurant, going to get some fast food with friends is a relatively cheap way to spend time and bond. And here's my list of the ten greatest fast food locations. But before I go, here's my criteria.
Defining Fast Food: Fast food is a chain restaurant. It's that simple as far as I'm concerned. Some people don't count sit-down restaurants with waiters and waitresses as fast food, but as long as it's a chain I'm willing to count it (though if it's pricey, which they usually are, it'll be considered).
Price isn't everything, but it's something: The average person doesn't want to spend twenty bucks on a fast food meal. And I'm no exception. With that said, I don't want to spend three bucks on a meal that tastes awful and leaves me hungry an hour later (looking at you, White Castle).
Quality is relative: This list doesn't mean that in every circumstance, I side with #1 over #2, #2 over #3, etc. The way I ranked this list is according to the level of satisfaction that I feel I get from the fast food locations.
Anyway, here's the actual list.
#10
Denny's
Advantages: For a sit down place, it's in roughly the Steak and Shake league of price-effectiveness. It's ostensibly a breakfast place, though Denny's has a relatively strong dinner menu.
Disadvantages: Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever confused Denny's with fine cuisine. In addition, unlike several places, it would be virtually impossible to get out of Denny's full for three bucks.
Synopsis: Denny's is a fine breakfast place every once in a while, but it's not necessarily somewhere I'd want to go every day. It has an unnecessarily bad reputation, but it serves its purpose.
Ideal Choice: The Grand Slam breakfast. Simple, and they have a $4 variant on their 2/4/6/8 menu.
#9
Hardee's
Advantages: Hardee's, known as Carl's Jr. in other parts of the country, has some of the strongest fast food burgers around--the so-titled Thickburgers are restaurant quality. The regular fries are okay, but the curly fry option makes Hardee's work.
Disadvantages: No dollar menu. In fact, no real budget options whatsoever. Unless you just get fries, you're paying at least five bucks. It's not wildly expensive, but as a fast food option it falls quite short in the price regard.
Synopsis: Hardee's every day will assure that you die very young, but every once in a while, it can make for one hell of a lunch or dinner (I will confess that I've never wished for congestive heart failure early enough to get Hardee's breakfast).
Ideal Choice: Frisco Thickburger with curly fries. Is this a health option? No. Do I get it all the time? No. When I eat Hardee's am I even pretending to give a shit about my physical appearance or health? Nope.
#8
Burger King
Advantages: BK has a standard, diverse menu of fast food essentials. It also has a range of prices ranging from Hardee's level (the BK Steakhouse burgers) to the bargain bin (a dollar menu).
Disadvantages: BK essentially acts as a lagging pseudo-alternative to McDonald's with a less worthwhile dollar menu. While BK once sold Whopper Jr.'s (decent) and Buck Doubles (awesome), they've now been reduced to a BK Single Stacker (contradiction in terms). The burgers aren't special enough to justify much shortcoming in price-efficiency.
Synopsis: You've had BK before. You've paid for BK before. Nothing I say is going to affect your opinion.
Ideal Choice: BK Single Stacker, Spicy Chick'n Crisp, Value Fry. Three bucks. Reasonably filling.
#7
Ruby Tuesday
Advantages: First of all, it's named after a fucking Rolling Stones song. Even if it's not one of their best, that's an awesome fact (I'm still waiting for the explosion in popularity of Brown Sugar Bakery). Second, the menu is extremely diverse and extremely delicious. You also get worthwhile biscuits for free with any order.
Disadvantages: While Ruby Tuesday is pretty good about mailing out coupons, the price is the major obstacle. Basically, one's opinion of Ruby's is based upon how much money they have. It's either a fancy restaurant for the poor or a throwaway fast food place for the wealthy.
Synopsis: Ruby Tuesday is a great place to eat...every once in a while. Last October I ate at Ruby's three times in four days and it drove me up a wall. Even with menu diversity, it can get tedious.
Ideal Choice: Ruby's Classic Burger. The single cheapest item on the menu is a 1/3 pound burger which comes with unlimited fries. Yep, it's that magical of a place.
#6
Buffalo Wild Wings
Advantages: Isn't the slogan "Wings, Beer, Sports, all the essentials"? That pretty much sums it up. B-Dubs has a phenomenal environment (probably the best of the places listed) and a great variety of wing flavors and non-wing foods. In addition, they have more beers on tap than most bars.
Disadvantages: Similar to Ruby's, price is the main obstacle. It's not that the prices are irrational, per se--it's just that chicken wings are inherently expensive, which is weird given that before someone decided to put sauce on them wings were considered the unwanted redheaded stepchildren of the chicken corpse.
Synopsis: B-Dubs is really more of a social thing than a food thing; the food is good, but if they had an expansive to-go program, it'd be rarely used. It's a great place to go if a game's going on and you're with friends but if one of those two criteria is not met, it would be a poor experience.
Ideal Choice: Several different flavors when boneless wings are on sale for 40-50 cents per wing. Variety is the spice of life--some hot are good, but it's ideal to get some garlic or honey BBQ or something like that as well. Also, spring for the soda because if you get hot wings, you'll drink a lot. This cannot be overstated.
#5
Cici's Pizza
Advantages: It's a buffet, so unless you're dumb as a box of rocks, you're going to leave full. And the buffet is for five dollars, so you'll probably get pretty damn close to your money's worth. An unusually good variety (many different pizza types, good desserts, breadsticks, and salad).
Disadvantages: The food quantity is great, but the quality isn't great. You may want to spring for the soda just to wash it down better.
Synopsis: It is what it is--just don't expect amazing results.
Ideal Choice: Whatever's up. The best pizza flavor is buffalo chicken, but just get whatever. I mean, who cares? It's a goddamned buffet.
#4
McDonald's
Advantages: It has the steadiest menu in the world. All the food is pretty cheap, but especially with the dollar menu there is wonderful value. It also has fast food's cheapest soda (a dollar for a 32 ounce, with free refills).
Disadvantages: The same qualities which make McDonald's consistent make it somewhat unspecial. I'm not a McDonald's hater (I do have it #4 after all), but there really isn't one amazing standout item, and if there is one it's an Angus burger or chicken sandwich combo for over six bucks.
Synopsis: You've been. You've made up your mind. So whatever.
Ideal Choice: For breakfast, get a couple Sausage McMuffins and a Large Soda for 3 bucks. For lunch/dinner, get a McDouble, McChicken, Small Fries and a Large Soda for 4 bucks. Very filling and tasty. Also, get the buffalo sauce for fries. Trust me--I worked at McDonald's forever.
#3
Little Caesar's
Advantages: It's a goddamned five dollar large one topping pizza. It's also not a significant step down from the pizza quality of, say, Dominos.
Disadvantages: It's not a significant step down, but it is a step down. Also, non-pizza items such as Crazy Bread aren't a particularly great deal.
Synopsis: Little Caesar's is essentially the Natty Light of pizza--it's the cheapest by a lot and it's the worst. But unlike Natty, which is utter garbage, Little Caesar's is still good and can't best be substituted with water.
Ideal Choice: Large pepperoni pizza. Five bucks. Split it with a friend or have some leftovers or be really effing full. All options are wonderful.
#2
Jack in the Box
Advantages: The dollar menu, which can be ordered from all day. Most famously you can get two tacos for a buck, but you can also get a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger or Chicken Sandwich for a buck.
Disadvantages: Other than the dollar menu, there are some expensive choices. If you're tempted by the high end burgers or the more exotic items, it'll cost you a pretty penny.
Synopsis: If you stay within your sane boundaries, you're going to be fine.
Ideal Choice: 2 regular tacos (which, for the unconverted, are quite greasy but also tasty when you consider it's 50 cents), a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, and a Chicken Sandwich for three bucks.
#1
Taco Bell
Advantages: It's great food that's really cheap. If you're hungry but not absolutely starving, it's actually possible to escape for a dollar.
Disadvantages: A very flexible menu. Things increase or decrease in price at the drop of a hat.
Synopsis: Nectar of the gods. There is no reasonable comparison.
Ideal Choice: It changes due to the menu changes, but the last time I went, I got a chicken flatbread sandwich and a beefy 5-layer burrito. Quite filling. Two bucks. This is considered victory.
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