This isn't even an example of me hating on music, per se. Here is a list of ten household names in music who have gotten to their position largely by surrounding themselves with people who are better than they are.
10. Ozzy Osbourne--Ozzy came to fame with Black Sabbath, a band carried by Tony Iommi's innovative power chords, Geezer Butler's heavy bass, and Bill Ward's tremendous drumming. Ozzy stood there and yelled lyrics (generally written by Geezer Butler) about iron men, war pigs, and fairies which wear boots. After he got kicked out of Black Sabbath for being a drug-fueled mess, he proceeded to hook up with excellent guitarists like Randy Rhoads and Zakk Wylde, who wrote him good songs. I guess you can't hate Ozzy for riding the crazy train to immortality, but you can hate him for doing whatever the hell Sharon tells him to do.
9. Pete Wentz--This is an almost unfair inclusion because it implies Fall Out Boy is a greatest anything in musical history (they aren't even the best band named after a Simpsons character--see Laszlo Panaflex). But Pete Wentz does nothing. He isn't the singer. He isn't the guitarist. He doesn't write the songs. He does write the lyrics, which generally exist to be made fun of by people who hate the band. His greatest contribution to society is not using vowels in song titles. La dee freaking da.
8. Mick Fleetwood--Given that he is in Fleetwood Mac, it would imply he's the singer. He has never sung a Fleetwood Mac song (I'm not particularly a fan but I can name four people who have sung lead on Fleetwood Mac songs off the top of my head). He doesn't write songs. Fleetwood, while a drummer, isn't a particularly acclaimed drummer, yet he's probably the second most famous person from the band. Kind of like Ozzy in that he's good at finding talent and leeching on, but even more blatantly so.
7. Jim Morrison--Modern belief would suggest that The Doors were merely Jim Morrison's backup band. In fact, it was the musicians who carried Morrison. Ray Manzarek's organ made "Light My Fire" a classic, Robby Krieger was one of the best guitarists of his era, and Jim Morrison existed largely for lyrical pretension. I mean, can you tell me with a straight face "The End" isn't boring and pretentious bullshit?
6. Ringo Starr--This is almost unfair because most people acknowledge he's the worst of the Beatles, but in a world in which people will still (even if ironically) cite Ringo Starr as their favorite Beatle. Here's what it comes down to: I'm going to name a Beatle and then also name two songs which he sang lead vocals on and with which he is generally credited as the predominant writer. Paul McCartney: Hey Jude and Let It Be. John Lennon: Strawberry Fields Forever and Revolution. George Harrison: Something and While My Guitar Gently Weeps. Ringo Starr: Octopus Garden and Don't Pass Me By. One of these things is not like the others...
5. David Crosby--Besides being the subject of "I Am the Walrus", Crosby does a great job of riding coattails. He made the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame TWICE by riding them. With the Byrds, it was Roger McGuinn. It's hard to say whose it was when he teamed up with Stills, Nash, and Young, but I say with little-to-no hesitation that Crosby did the least of these three. Young has a slew of great hits; Stills had "Love the One You're With"; Graham Nash, while a wuss, at least wrote key songs for the bands he was is. David Crosby never had solo success for a reason--he isn't very talented.
4. Bernie Taupin--Bernie Taupin is a famous name in rock and roll for being Elton John's lyricist. And he's not even good at it! "If I was a sculptor, but then again, no." "Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids; in fact, it's cold as hell." These are not good lyrics. Elton John succeeds because Elton John is a hell of a singer, songwriter, pianist, and showman. I can't even begin to imagine how awful of a lyricist he is that he needs to outsource his lyrics writing TO BERNIE TAUPIN.
3. Gene Simmons--Not that Kiss is a great band, by any means, but what musical credibility which is had by the band derives from Paul Stanley, the lead singer/songwriter. Unless you consider "Calling Dr. Love" the apex of Kiss music (which, in fairness, wouldn't be the worst idea), there's really nothing the band did which was the work of Gene Simmons. Even their biggest hit was sung and written by Peter Criss. The best musician of the band's classic lineup is Ace Frehley. So what does Gene Simmons do? Well, he has the most famous makeup. And he has a really long tongue. And he follows the Ted Nugent school of "clean living in terms of not drinking but dirty living in terms of running down skanks." These skills aren't exactly musical.
2. Brian Jones--You'd think Brian Jones was the man who made the early Rolling Stones tick. But alas, it's ALWAYS been Mick and Keith. Every song they ever made worth mentioning was a Mick and Keith song. And it's not like Brian Jones was a lead guitarist or anything--his biggest contribution in reality was as a utility man, playing some of the more unusual instruments in the Stones arsenal. Which, if you think about it, doesn't have that much of a role (except "Paint It Black"). If you had to rank the most important members of the Rolling Stones sound, it goes Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Charlie Watts, Bill Wyman, Mick Taylor, Ron Wood, Brian Jones. #7. Yet he's a legend. Apparently if you die at 27, people will turn you into a deity.
1. Sid Vicious--The Sex Pistols are a great band of bad musicians. Kind of. For as much talk as there is of the Sex Pistols being a ragged group of shitheads, its members did work. Paul Cook was an unsubtle (i.e. perfect for the band) drummer. Steve Jones made some of the greatest guitar riffs and pseudo-solos ("Holidays in the Sun") of all-time. Johnny Rotten was, for a year, the greatest frontman of all time. Even Glen Matlock, the original bassist, had a huge role, often being cited as a primary songwriter for the group. So what did Sid Vicious do, besides become the band's most famous member? Well, he played bass on "Bodies", one of the worst Sex Pistols songs. Though according to the band, Steve Jones actually overdubbed Vicious's bass to a point of being unable to hear it. It's not really a stretch--Steve Jones is credited to play bass on ten of the twelve songs on their only album. And that's it. Sid Vicious, the most famous member of the Sex Pistols, played the original, eventually over-dubbed bass on a forgettable Sex Pistols song. And that is it. I want somebody to justify to me why Gary Oldman didn't play Steve Jones in a movie.
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