Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Five Most Important Songs of the Rock and Roll Era

This is not a list of the greatest songs of the rock and roll era (1954 to present). It is merely a list of the most important songs. Songs which influenced not only music but also society. Nothing about this list is scientific. It is merely my own irrelevant opinion. I intentionally avoided many Elvis and Chuck Berry songs that some might think would fit here for a simple reason--we're assuming that each song is its own separate entity. If Chuck Berry hadn't released Maybellene, he would still have Johnny B. Goode. These are songs which, on their own power, influenced the world.

5. Happy Birthday, by Stevie Wonder: For those who don't know basic history, it was once a REALLY controversial idea to have Martin Luther King Jr. Day be a thing. The controversy never made much sense to me. To paraphrase Chris Rock, you really hate MLK more than you like a day off of work? Anyway, Stevie Wonder, taking advantage of his position as universally loved and respected by all people of all races regardless of their preferred musical genres, released an inexplicably closer-to-public-domain-than-that-other-song happy birthday song to MLK. The song's popularity helped (though I reject the theory that it was a primary cause) Martin Luther King Jr. Day become a holiday.

4. Courtesy of the Red White and Blue, by Toby Keith: Hey guys, remember back when Toby Keith was a thing? Actually, better yet, do you remember back when the Dixie Chicks were a thing? If you're my age or older, of course you remember when the Dixie Chicks were a thing--they were fucking massive. As in "the biggest female country music act ever". I never cared much for them, because I was a cynical little nine year old asshole when Wide Open Spaces came out, but they were a big deal. And their careers were effectively ended by this musically insignificant Toby Keith song. But obviously that's not the biggest deal about this song--how about IT MADE EVERYBODY WANT TO GO TO WAR WITH THE WRONG GODDAMNED COUNTRY? Music is a powerful thing. Now, I have to say in fairness to Toby Keith--while I do think this song is stupid regardless, it doesn't really imply Iraq, so even if its politics are clearly hawkish, they're not inaccurate so that's okay. But perception is what matters here. Darryl Worley's knucklehead douchebag anthem "Have You Forgotten?" was much more manipulative and there is a special place in hell for said "person" when he dies, but it was also far less popular. And it also didn't kill the Dixie Chicks' career. Which is weird, because neither song mentions the Dixie Chicks. And it's not like Sweet Home Alabama killed Neil Young's career. 2002 was weird, guys.

3. God Save the Queen, by The Sex Pistols: Musically, it was important, because it's one of the early punk songs, but it wasn't the first (New Rose--The Damned) nor was it the first by the goddamned Sex Pistols (the also-political Anarchy in the UK). The reason this song makes this list is because Britain lost its collective shit (this phrase is acceptable as a self-aware tribute band that performs songs by Collective Soul, and I don't mind if you steal this). Hell, there was a (likely real) conspiracy to make sure Rod Stewart was #1 when the Sex Pistols rightfully should have been, because the song was released in conjunction with Queen Elizabeth II's (yep, she was a thing in 1977 too) silver jubilee. At least I think it was silver. Oh, who the hell cares? Anyway, this song also rules which is part of why it cracks the top three even though it didn't really affect the only country that matters.

2. Darling Nikki, by Prince: There are two groups of people--people who think Prince is a musical genius in the vain of David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Trent Reznor, and whomever else is associated with versatile virtuosity; and people whose opinion on Prince is wrong. Decades of being erroneously compared to Michael Jackson, strictly a (good) pop musician, has caused Prince's career as a boundary-pushing funk rocker to be sadly ignored by way too many people. And never was he more boundary-pushing (or perhaps trollish) than when Darling Nikki was included on the Purple Rain soundtrack. It wasn't a single and it's not really considered a great Prince song (I personally think it's awesome, even in comparison to other Prince songs, but that's besides the point), but it's an IMPORTANT song because of the time Al and Tipper Gore's daughter listened to it. And Tipper walked in. And she was horrified by the song's extremely sexual content. And rather than prohibiting her daughter from listening to it like a normal overprotective parent, she started the PMRC (Parents Media Resource Center, I think. NOBODY IS GOING TO READ THIS ANYWAY I'LL RESEARCH AS MUCH AS I DAMN WELL PLEASE, INTERNET). And the PMRC tried to push for censorship. It failed like hell at that (John Fucking Denver offered a major testimonial in favor of the smut-pushers) though it did result in the iconic "Parental Advisory" sticker now worn as a badge of honor by gangster rappers and heavy metal bands and one time on an instrumental Frank Zappa album, for some reason. Ever see Michael Jackson cause a great moral panic? Nope? Okay then.

1. Helter Skelter, by The Beatles: This song had dramatic implications both on the music world and the world world. First, music. Helter Skelter is, with good reason, often regarded as the first heavy metal song. I don't know that I'd categorize it as heavy metal but it's certainly a forerunner. The guy who would eventually write Silly Love Songs writing and performing a song The Stooges would be proud to call their own in 1968 was terrific. It's been covered by legions of terrible bands since. But it's not just that! He also inspired Charles Manson, who my research indicates was a leader of a semi-political, semi-religious, mostly drug fueled cult before existing purely to troll NBC interviewers as he has done for the last thirty years. You see, Charles Manson interpreted a song about a big slide as being about a race war in which he and his followers would go to an underground city after blacks killed whites in a race war and then they would emerge after the black people were incapable of running society so they'd be viewed as the elites but that in order to get the ball rolling they would have to kill the marginal actress wife of the guy who directed Rosemary's Baby. You know, because LSD.

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